I'm not going to lie. I think John Green is fantastic. In fact, I think anyone who can write contemporary fiction is amazing. I envy them their ability because writing contemporary fiction is the one thing I have always been horrible at. Actually, scratch that. Contemporary fiction is the one genre I'm too terrified to write.
Because I think I'm going to absolutely fail at it. I like to write in my comfort zone. I write fantasy because fantasy can cushion the blow that is my plotting stupidity (or, at least, that's what I tell myself). I don't write contemporary fiction for the same reason I don't write in first person. I'm not comfortable with it.
And you know what?
I am truly, truly stupid.
You see, I might not ever have the courage to write contemporary fiction but today I took a giant, terrifying leap into the unknown.
Today, I wrote in first person.
It was terrifying. I'm so used to writing in third person that I freaked out, often pausing to write bouts of 'OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING STOP THIS IS HORRIBLE STOP FIRST PERSON NO WHYYYYYYY'. Eventually I freaked out so badly that I had to stop and take a breath.
I did so by catching up on vlogbrothers videos because I am honestly so far behind that it's embarrassing. Once I had officially calmed down and descended into a John and Hank endued zen-like state, I returned to my Word document and read over what I had written.
And you know what?
I didn't actually suck as badly as I thought. In fact, seeing as I haven't written in first person in about three years, I think I wrote first person rather well. Not great. Nowhere near great but, with practise, I could definitely see myself getting there.
The best part?
I'd finally found why I'd been having such a hard time writing 'Ember' recently. I'd thought it was just the stress (and that definitely played a part in it) but I think that the real problem was that I hadn't found her voice. Third person didn't give me her voice. First person did.
I found her again and that feels wonderful.